25 March 2015

What No One Tells You About Writing Erotica 3 - It's Extremely Unsexy

This is exactly how I do it, except my eyes are closed.
Although I may seem to contradict my earlier post in this series about how I'm more horny than ever, now, I actually don't. Being horny doesn't equal being sexy. In fact, it's highly distracting. Stay with me for this, you'll see.

Writing erotica is not sexy.

Know why? Because writing anything isn't sexy.

You're just sitting there...


If you're masturbating, or having a quickie break with a partner, well, that's not writing, is it? And you probably should be writing instead of trying to extract various liquids from your genitals. Right now I have a cold and my body isn't cooperating very well in the sustained blood flow to organs department, it seems.

This isn't a surprise to me. The unsexy act of writing erotica, I mean. My wing-wang taking a sick day was a bit of a surprise. I was adamant. "You're gonna come, damn it!" I said to it (not aloud) and kept at it until I had one of those muted, yet astounding in a side-glance sort of way orgasms. The only think I can think of likening it to is climaxing while tripping on acid (not while you're peaking--oh God). It was funny, that feeling of having triumphed over my own sick dick.

Sorry if I ruined any chance you might've had of getting off later now that I inserted that image into your mind. I wouldn't put it up there with Louis CK's "saddest handjob in the world" bit, but it was parking in the same megamall parking lot.

What was I talking about?

Oh, yes. That unsexy erotica writing thing.

It's just work, you know? Yes, it's work I enjoy. Holy fuck, I enjoy it. Yes, I turn myself on (otherwise why am I writing this?). But you can't write and masturbate or fuck at the same time. I know. I've tried it. You can't concentrate on either activity sufficiently and your efforts will suffer. I use release as a reward for reaching my goals for the time period (half or a third of a day, usually).

You put your ass in the chair, you put your fingers on the keyboard, and you fucking WRITE. I guess if determination turns you on, writing erotica may seem sexy, but watching it is not. You're just looking at a person banging away on a keyboard.



  1. You nailed it, Bryce, and hysterically so might I add. I'll confess that sometimes I do fancy a
    nap (Naughty Afternoon Playtime) but by the time my brain and body are in sync, I'm on to the next chapter.

    1. I like your definition of NAP, Shelby, and thank you for commenting. Sorry I'm so late with the reply, I guess I can't read my Blogger dashboard very well. :P